The Girl Who Cried Rape

by Clancy Frearson
November 15, 2024

“We have dropped your case.” These words will continue to haunt me for a lifetime.

I’m a United States Marine, a part of the world’s “finest fighting force.” All I can think is how can this happen? Another woman statistic, another number falling through the broken judicial system of the military.

Control…gone. “Where am?” I thought to myself. I see a pool, reeking of chlorine. Here he is, a tall redhead with a red shirt and jeans towering over me. In this moment I thought I was going to McDonald’s. The words he said to me shook me to the core: “If you don’t have sex with me, I am going to tell everyone you raped me when we get back to work on Monday.” I stood like a deer frozen in the headlights. I am back at the bar with dirt and grass in my underwear. Life flashed before my eyes; I’m in shock by what just happened.

I. Was. Just. Raped.

The only thing I could think of was how I should get out of this place. I called the only person I could think of … Captain Nelson. He’s in my chain of command. I’m sure he knows what to do. I eventually go up to where I must be evaluated which is 45 minutes away from where the assault took place.

The Hospital. There was a child screaming in the background. I am still out of it, thinking it was my nine-month-old daughter, and my attacker did something to her. I was brought to a room that looked like a closet. There was a woman standing there with blonde hair, looking at me. She proceeded to tell me that we are going to conduct the Sexual Assault Forensics Exam (S.A.F.E.). In that moment, I looked my husband in the eyes and cried like I have never cried before. All these thoughts filled my head: He’s going to leave me; the Marine Corps is going to kick me out or even worse.

Rage. I walked into the police station, and the detective’s gaze looked cold. I begin to tell my story. In that moment, I had thoughts that people shouldn’t have. I felt as if I served no purpose in life anymore since a person who wears the same uniform as I took advantage of me and has left my life in shambles.

Monday morning rolls around, and I’m called into my Sergeant Major’s office where I saw him and the battalion commander both looking at me, waiting for me to begin to tell them what happened. I proceed. I begin to lose myself, crying uncontrollably. I began to question them: “If this were your wife or your daughter or any woman in your life, would you be treating them with the same disrespect you are treating me with?”

Walking out of his office, I was just as confused because he told me my rapist is a sergeant, and I am a corporal. He leads multiple Marines and looks good on paper. I was reminded that I am a woman, and this is the old guy’s club. I’m just another statistic.

I am given two options: I can transfer to a different duty station to Bahrain, unaccompanied, or I travel to a mental health facility in Texas. I chose to go to Texas where I found out I was pregnant with my son. Time froze as everything began flooding back. I am pregnant in a facility far away from my husband and my child. Shortly after being there, I did find out my son was not conceived from rape.

Twenty-eight days later, I return to my command, the laughingstock of the entire battalion; I am called the girl who cried rape, the girl who went away on vacation to come back pregnant with a rape baby. I never felt more alone. Thoughts of what’s next filled my head. I was escorted everywhere because of how bad the bullying got. No matter where I turned, someone was talking about how I called it rape, but, in the eyes of my rapist, I enjoyed it.

Four years have passed since the assault, and I have had an extremely tough time understanding who I truly am again. Many days I find myself unrecognizable because I used to be someone who loved life and was genuinely happy. I am now someone who struggles to put on a smile every day. The Marine Corps was a place I truly loved until it changed my entire outlook on life. It taught me everything – how to stand, how to talk, how to walk, also how to be a survivor after something so traumatic.

When something like this happens, I’ve learned that I have people who love and care about me, unconditionally, and they will be in my corner no matter what happens. I also learned that even on my darkest days, I always have a loving husband to pick me up and help me realize I am worthy, that I matter and have a voice.

Editor’s Note: If you have experienced a sexual assault, help is available. GCC’s Counseling Center is located in C219 or can be reached via email at counseling@genesee.edu. See the Counseling Center’s webpage for more emergency contact information.